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I never wanted kids. And I knew this from a young age. A lot of this conviction came from how I was raised and my relationship with family growing up (more on this next time).

The truth is, I can’t bear the crushing responsibility of raising another human being. I think the future looks bleak from here, and starting from age zero is going to be tough. I don’t have it in me to make a human life and force him/her here to go through a world I have no control over. It’s not like they would have any choice whether to be brought into this world or not.

I do like kids though. I think that part of the programming remains hardcoded in our DNA. But I would gladly return them to their parents after an hour, or when the meltdown begins, whichever comes sooner.

If you’re thinking about having kids and you stumbled here for internet advice, you’re in the wrong blog, my friend. But if you really want to know how I feel, here goes:

  1. Don’t have kids to “save your marriage”. It’s not a balm or a cure. A child is not going to do the work to salvage your fractured relationship. You need to do that work yourselves.
  2. Don’t have kids because you feel like you need to pass on your genes. If you do, your genes are not worth passing on in the first place. Get over yourself.
  3. Don’t have kids because “I guess this is what married couples do”. No, you don’t have to. Really, you don’t. Life can be fulfilling for couples without children in tow.
  4. Don’t have kids because you like kids. You can like kids but still be childless (see above). They’re not toys or handbags – you can’t swap them out when you don’t like them anymore.
  5. Most importantly, don’t have kids because you feel obliged to, whether to societal pressures or to your parents. Your parents, despite the best intentions, will not raise your offspring for you. You owe them nothing. You don’t need to bring a child into this world in order to check off “being grandparents” off their bucket list.

But if you still feel the desire to, then do it. Go with a full heart and a conviction that you’re doing what you truly want to do. That you will be wholly responsible for another human life you will bring into this uncertain world. Good luck; you do you.

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